I just read an article in Shanghai Daily about Joy Chen, a Chinese American author, and her book for Chinese women titled “Do Not Marry Before 30.”
Joy’s core message is simple but powerful: in your 20s, learn to be independent. Grow, explore, have fun, and discover who you are. Women, she says, should use their twenties to play, learn, and mature—rather than rush into marriage simply because society expects it. I found the article truly interesting and thought-provoking.
Joy Chen was born and raised in the U.S. She is a former Deputy Mayor of Los Angeles and a global corporate headhunter. She married an American businessman four years ago, at the age of 38, and today she is the mother of two young daughters. By the standards applied to “successful” Chinese women, she now seems to have it all.
One line in the article stopped me in my tracks:
“In China, the hardest part of being a woman and going through all kinds of issues is that we never talk about it with other women, which is very important.”
I was stunned. Do Chinese women also not talk about their struggles with each other?
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This reminded me of something I felt years ago. I was watching an episode of Desperate Housewives.(Season 1, Episode 8 — a must-watch for every young mother.) Lynette, a character in the series, is raising four young children with almost no support. Her husband is constantly traveling or buried in work. She’s overwhelmed, exhausted, and on the verge of breaking down. In a deeply emotional scene, she finally confides in her friends, Bree and Susan, bursting into tears. She then asks them, “Why has no one told me this before?”
It made me wonder: do American women also keep their struggles to themselves?
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As an Indian woman, I felt the same way when I became a mother. Why had no one told me this before? How drastically my life would change? I share these thoughts only with a few close friends because I, too, could never quite picture what motherhood would feel like until I was living it. So I ask myself: do we Indian women also avoid talking about our struggles? Or are these just a few isolated cases?
One thing is certain: when it comes to women, nationality doesn’t matter. Whether you’re Indian, Chinese, or American—it truly makes little difference.
What matters is that we talk to one another. That we share. That we don’t face our struggles alone.
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